The Beppin Legacy

The history and future of a utopian marriage of Third Reich idealism and the wonderously vast tapestry of the animal kingdom.

Friday, October 13, 2006

A Cause For Concern

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This week has seen Bürgermeister Tortimer F. Tortoise hosting "The Acorn Festival" in what I can only see as an orgasm of poor planning and misguided ideals. This apparently annual festival has caused all manner of civil upheaval and has personally effected myself in a rather negative way.

I personally had no forewarning of this "festival" and wasn't part of the committee (if there was one) that set about it's implementation. Indeed, I'd say from the deplorable faults this "celebration" has wrought that there was no planning committee at all involved. Our country's holidays and celebrations are usually carefully planned affairs, maximising citizen involvement and with a genuinely apropriate theme to promote our proud Beppian ways.

Not since the travesty of "Flower Fest" earlier this year has an apparently well intended celebration caused so many problems with daily life in Beppin. Casting my mind back to Flower Fest, oh, what a terrible time. After carefully planning and planting flowers throughout Beppin, and taking in special attention to the cobblestone thoroughfares linking our land, Flower Fest turned into an open invitation for Beppians to uproot any flora they saw fit to be replanted in a random manner throughout the countryside.

I'm sure this was the work of some New Beppians who knew no better, but the cost of the this venture resulted in days upon days of work to set our nations prized flowers back to the place they were intended. Many hours were lost, and very little was gained through "Flower Fest" and I hope that next year (if it re-occurs) that all Beppians will think before they uproot the vibrant flowers that brighten our country.

Alas, back to our current predicament with the 2006 Acorn Festival. Afer discussing this matter with other senior members of Beppin's various governing bodies, I've found out that this is solely the work of Bürgermeister Tortimer F. Tortoise and he hasn't consulted anyone in any way, shape or form about this project. I must say that the first time I was notified of this festival I was more than surprised, and this goes tenfold for the first time I encountered Herr Tortimer (or Cornimer, as he apparently likes to be called) outside Beppin's Town Hall.

Quite what this personality of Cornimer attempts to convey is quite perplexing. His insatiable need for acorns sounds like a cry for help, from my perspective, and the disturbing mask he wears does little to set my mind at ease. The plan seems that he will reward acorn collection with a rare theme of furniture. Upon conferring with Herr Nook I've been informed that this "mush" furniture is not a part of any stock list available to Herr Nook, which makes these items even more suspicious in origin.

Aside from this I, as leader of Beppin, had two very susbtantial issues with Herr Tortimer's project. Firstly: Acorns. It seems almost insane to design a festival based around an object that is produced by only three (yes, three) trees in our entire country. Beppin is very well populated with pine, pear, apple, cherry and peach trees, their colourful fruit are plentiful, even in these rusty autumn days. To base a week long festival around a tree that is scarce, at best, in our land is not the work of a well balanced mind.

The other issue I have is that Herr Tortimer has instructed Brigadeführer Copper K. Dog to prohibit entry of any travellers or visitors to Beppin that aren't New Beppians. The regularly permitted traders and visitors to our shores have been sent away from our gates as part of this Acorn Festival. The reasoning for this, I find beyond comprehension, and given Herr Tortimer's recent Cronimer persona and apparent age, I believe our mayor is becoming a victim of senility in his golden years.

The Acorn Festival will be heavily investigated as aoon as it has finished, and I do believe the ramifications will be far reaching in coming public events in Beppin's future. I just hope Herr Tortimer is prepared to reap the consequences of the seeds he has sewn.


At 7:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Herr Baron,

This indeed looks like the work of a dangerous madman. May I suggest he is sent to one of Beppins many correctional facilites for extensive re-education.

Or dragged into the town square for a healthy dose of "public execution by firing squad".

It's for his own good and the good of the nation.

Herr Munter.

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Spudcunt said...

Torturing the bastard by giving him rotties was some of the best fun I had last week. That and selling my rotten acorns to Lucky the dog.

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